🙄“Okay, what’s up?” I asked straightforwardly. We’ve been friends too long that honesty and straightforwardness have become a comfy thing between us.
“Len, sometimes I wish I was just me; I feel old and weary.” She replied with unsurprising honesty.😔 "Like am down this old beaten path leading to where I do not know."
Let’s think about this……
That’s a ‘hugot’ line, right? Meaning that runs deep. We would probably guess that something or some things happened somewhere in there which had caused this weariness of the soul.
🤓“I wish I was just me…” ---Do you know who you are? What roles do you play in life (I know we can be many things to many different people)? What matters to you? Do you or do you not care? Do you sometimes wish you were doing something else? Or was someone else?
There is no straight or right answer to those questions. Or so I believe. Because you are that person in every-question-and-answer posed lived by you at many different and diverse points in your life. You hate, you love, you adore, you are brave, you despise, and you abhor, also can be cold and despicable when reason presents itself. You pretend you are strong and yet vulnerable too, you are confused, and sometimes stubborn even in being wrong. You are all of the above and even so much more. You are everything a human being is. Perfect and flawed. But admittedly at the end of the day when the dust has settled and you stand alone tired and utterly exhausted by all that, you drop to the ground buckling under the overwhelming weight of it all and exhale a weary … ‘I wish I was just me.’😔
🤓"…old and weary” ---
Oh but I hear that often said by friends and strangers alike. Both from the young and the old.
👨💼👩💼When young people say it, it rises from being drained of all energy, effort, plans, strength, courage, hope, and perhaps faith, too. Trying to make it in this crazy world of ours is tough. Pursuing dreams even tougher. And you are not even assured of success or of making it. Sometimes it may seem so near and yet still so far. So each day you struggle with frustration, sadness, disappointment, irritation, failed expectations, and bits and pieces of your broken dreams. Every night you plop down on your bed worn out to the bone. So exhausted, wondering if you'll ever make it.
👴👵When old people utter those words, it expresses a mix of everything past, present, and even the future. It hovers over why-did-it-happen or what-could-have-been. Regrets creep in and weigh down both the mind and the heart. It doesn’t help if in the home they have become just a piece of the furniture. Ignored, often left alone, no longer enjoying the vibrant exchange or connection enjoyed with the family he thought he knew so well. Although not entirely the family’s fault. Because age imposes new restrictions on the mind and body thus puts on limitations to choices, his or theirs. This reality creates a painful void for loneliness and longing. The soul becomes weary, drained, alone.😔
👼In all this, young or old, it’s the soul that feels and bears the brunt of our physical effort and lives. It is strong, no doubt about that, but sometimes you just have to -- let it breathe…give it rest to recharge itself… give it space to become new again. Just as the body needs to rest – the soul needs that too. And for a definite purpose -- to remember its connection with the Divine. It does need to reconnect every so often with its Creator. It needs to be renewed in its life purpose. God creates and can recreate.👼
When the soul speaks, learn to listen ..... and pray!
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