Tuesday, January 15, 2008

LESSON 5 - WORRY IS A RUSTY BLADE



Oh I know this piece comes close on the heels of the recent one posted. But I have made this promise to myself for the New Year --- which is that I will write more than what I have written in the past two years of blogging. So then, Blogspot, brace yourself for the onrush of new posts without constraint of time …other than the desire to write – write – write! Anyway let's get on with this. :-) (The lovely picture there is courtesy of Doug Evans of Canada, an old friend.)

It is not work that kills men, it is worry. Work is healthy;
You can hardly put more on a man than he can bear.
But worry is rust upon the blade.
It is not movement that destroys the machinery, but friction.”

-Henry Ward Beecher

Friction is rubbing, chafing, abrasion, rasping, grating and resistance. Do we see ourselves something like that at some point in our lives? I’m sure that we all do. Not nice, huh? And the biggest friction there is in our lives is WORRY.

I don’t know where we ever got this or learned it from, but it has already become attached to living – worry is synonymous to a human being. Oh gee, isn’t that such a pessimistic and negative way of looking at a person?! Or even at life itself. A lot of friends I have talked to consider life and living as one big barrel of problems, trials, difficulties, tests, troubles, predicament or dilemma.

Oh but I’m not going to refute or disagree to that because I do know too that it is true. In fact, I think that there are tons and tons of issues and challenges that a person must deal with in his whole lifetime. No kidding. These could be minute issues or life-threatening or life-changing ones. And it may affect a person directly or indirectly in huge or small measure. But it is there as real as this bag of raisins I’m snacking on which, incidentally, is delicious!

Telling a person ‘not to worry’ is like asking him to tie his shoelaces with his mouth, or peel a banana with a thumb, or walk to the corner backwards with eyes closed! That --I wouldn’t even dare. Oh I know that somebody is going to tell me that we 'need' to worry to somehow get things done. Well, maybe that shouldn't be called 'worry'. Don't you think it's nicer to call it 'thinking your way through'? Thinking involves a good amount of mental activity. Worrying is definitely not thinking.

Still everybody worries; I do. I learned it when they started giving me homework in grade school. I worried that I wouldn’t get a star from my teacher, worried that I would see mom and dad frown at my report card, worried that my pet birdie would die, and worried that everybody would leave me and never come back. And when I grew up the worries just seem to grow bigger and bigger and plentiful. Nobody ever told me not to worry… I guess it’s because they too had their own worries to take care of. It showed on their faces, in their behavior, in their voices, and in the way they look at you. I could understand that; I was behaving just like them.

But now as I am much older I realize what a waste of time, effort, energy and life it is to worry. I see that nothing is ever achieved by knocking your brains out worrying. It won’t move mountains nor cause the sea to part nor make solutions pop up like magic nor improve your life a notch higher. No, worry does not bring about those things.

Worry though does cause something – a friction uniquely its own. It grates on your nerves, rubs old wounds open anew, saps you of productive energy, and drains away enthusiasm in a steady defeating stream.

Now I have learned the hard way that there is a better way to ‘worry’...

Give it your best shot with possible solutions within your control, worry not and PRAY. Leave the rest to God. And don’t ever think of worrying whether He will or He will not --- help. We know the answer to that, don’t we? Faith moves mountains. Worry is indeed rust upon the blade. Can't cut well with a rusty blade.


LESSON 4 - THE STEEL MAGNOLIAS IN OUR MIDST SHOW US HOW TO LIVE


‘Steel Magnolias’ is the title of a lovely movie I saw one late night on TV. It describes a person (persons in this particular movie) of combined tender gentle qualities alongside that of steady strength --- a calm quiet force.

It made me think of people, friends particularly I have known through the years, which have gone through the worst of times and yet stood 10 feet tall -- Such indomitable spirit and courage in facing life’s trials, setbacks, and burdens. Amazing, isn’t it? We thus would heap on them a lot of good names in appreciation and admiration of their sterling qualities but I must admit that nothing beats this apt description as a -- Steel Magnolia.

What’s a magnolia? It’s a beautiful flower as shown in the picture above. And a flower is best described as soft, velvety, fragile, delicate, frail, and silky -- Qualities commonly attributed to women or the so-called weaker sex.

Steel, on the other hand, is rigid, inflexible, hard, unbending, firm, solid, durable, sturdy, tough, and strong – qualities too used to describe the male specie.

I think you are getting the full picture now.

A steel magnolia incorporates the best of two opposites --- the gentleness of a flower and the strength of steel that suggests the quality of hardness of mind and spirit --- creating a calm quiet subtle force and power of its own.

There are many of them, women particularly, who trudge on with their difficult lives, situations, relationships, circumstances, conditions and challenges. All for a reason visible or invisible and although their reasons may vary with their different life stories but the fortitude, purpose, and determination they possess are the same.

I salute these women – the Steel Magnolias of our time. I dare not judge them for their lives --- not until I am able to know their hearts because it is there where the real stories truly reside. How magnificent is the Lord for making this possible in an ordinary fragile imperfect human being. May God bless them all!


Friday, January 11, 2008

LESSON #3 - PRAY FOR COURAGE - STRENGTH - HUMOR


Anne Morrow Lindbergh :
"Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all. "

Sneha, a beautiful person and soul, sent this poem to me in the blog. The first time I set my eyes on those lines.. tears came to my eyes. How true are those lines to the feelings I had in my heart. Many times well-meaning friends tried as best as they could to make me happy .. hoping that I would take rest from the burden of sorrow and grief. I know they try so hard but sometimes it just does not work.

But on thinking hard about it all I began to realize that this is not right. I don't have to remain in this misery and pass up on the wonderful things which life still has to offer. The sun still shines, flowers bloom their prettiest, new babies are born every minute, people still fall in love and get married, rivers and streams flow merrily, trees stand tall in the wind, and I can get back to my favorite morning walks, eat my favorite pasta, drink my cappuccino at Thor's coffee shop, and meet up with my lady friends for lunch on the 14th condo floor . I can still do a lot of things - life does not stand still even for those who mourn. So ...to you Sneha, thank you so much for this lovely quote. And I hope that you will include me in your prayers... for I humbly have asked God for courage, strength, and humor too.

That I may have the........

Courage to face life's tests and difficulties. There will always be those in anyone's life. There's no guarantee that because you've been through the most difficult trial that nothing more will come after that. Wish that it won't and didn't ..but we know better -- life loves playing bad jokes on us.

Strength to stand my ground when strong winds blow. Not to grow weak nor falter despite the hard hits and the bruises received from it. To be strong to accept the inevitable and the unexpected and change. And the strength to be weak and diminish.. to enable God's strength to take over and increase in my life and situation.

Humor to see the lighter side of things in life even in the midst of heartaches and troubles. To laugh at one's frailties and shortcomings. Simply to laugh with self, people, and life.

Yes truly...
wish me courage, strength, and humor..... I will need them all!


PRAY FOR COURAGE - STRENGTH - HUMOR

by Anne Morrow Lindbergh – “

"Don't wish me happiness
I don't expect to be happy all the time...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all. "


Sneha, a beautiful person and soul, sent this to me in my blog


Monday, January 7, 2008

LESSON 2 - WHEN A BAD DAY OVERSTAYS, REV UP YOUR COPING MECHANISM TO HIGH GEAR

I don’t like bad days as much as the next guy but bad days come whether we like it or not. Bad days can take on different forms and comes to us in different ways---

disaster, accident, illness, death, failure, separation, defeat, disappointment, embarrassment, betrayal… or a horrendous traffic jam, a missed flight, a missed out contract, a big hole in our best suit, termites in the basement, an overstaying house guest, a bad report card, car not cranking up, and even more.


My bad day happened on that day in November 2007 and stayed on for days and down to weeks and on to months. So how do you make an overstaying bad day go away? The answer is --- you can’t. With my kind of bad day I just lived through it -- all that a bad day gave me but managed albeit frantically to throw my own punches back at it hoping to knock it out into smithereens. The thing is… it didn’t because bad days are as rigid as a rock and solid as a mountain. So poor tiny me was no match to this monster intent to ruin me and everything I stood for.

But hey, this was not just an ordinary bad day -- this was something that had the potential to alter my life and my family which I knew and sensed. And I had no control over it. It was like a rampaging bull going berserk and rammed through all obstacles of hope courage faith and confidence which stood on its way. It upset routine and schedules, disturbed peaceful nights; it piled on the worries and anxieties, it tore down courage and strength, and punched huge holes in the family coffers. It fiercely uprooted everything I believed in on faith and trust. It succeeded to turn me into a mess and a nervous wreck. I turned into its worst creation and product.

I behaved like a mechanical toy or a robot programmed to respond in predictable manner. No thinking required there. I was numb, weak in the knees; senses dulled, thoughts cluttered, and heart thumping loudly I believed it stopped traffic!

But you know something…. at some point there, something makes you halt and stop - look real hard at things happening around you… its effect on you and the people you love. It hits you real hard jogging your brain cells back to thinking again.

Your coping mechanism begins to restore itself. And what you have to do now is to rev it up to high gear and get flying. Shore up your strength courage faith guts vigor belief. See the situation for what it is, for what hope it may hold, for possibilities that could move you up to help and safety a notch higher, and to get you out of there - the deep abyss - with your heart and soul in one piece.

Rev up your coping mechanism. Do it yourself because nobody is going to do that for you. Energize, recharge yourself if you must. Borrow other people’s strength to boost your own. Seek the power of prayer. Connect with good and supportive family and friends; there is power too in numbers. Discipline your mind and heart to be still and calm; do not clutter it with worry and anxiety no matter how hard that will be in practice.

If you succeed to do at least two or three of these things, you will have acquired for yourself a fair chance for peace and stability, understanding and wisdom. And believe me --- it’s going to help you go through the long stretch ahead and down to its final end.

Bad days --- it can’t destroy us, no! Because a wise God when he created us put in place a built-in coping mechanism in our system meant for life’s bad days, short-lived or extended. All we have to do is learn how to rev it up --- to the max!!

.....continued


Thursday, January 3, 2008

WHAT LIFE TAUGHT ME THIS TIME (Lesson 1)

I shall not go over the nitty-ditty details of the recent events from the time he was rushed to the hospital and down to the internment. No. Those should now be kept in the vault of memories only to be taken out in private moments sometime in the present or somewhere in the future. So then I’m locking the vault now and putting aside the key. Let me tell you something else but not apart from the experience I have been through. Fact is, these things grew out from it - rather were formed by it.

Remember the many times I have said in the blogs that life always has a lesson or lessons stacked up for us to learn as we travel our respective life journeys? Oh yes, the lessons are there indeed… but then we must try to find out what they are.

Allow me then to share with you these lessons, in random order (these may take several posts), which life has heaped upon me and my children’s small frail shoulders just recently. Some or most of it you may have heard before but you know what, it’s quite different when these things happen to you in a strong dramatic way like it did to me. It impacts you much harder than when you simply hear bout it or see it in other people’s lives. Seeing it and living it are apparently and hugely not the same.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

LESSON 1 - FAMILIAL LOVE IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

Tell me who stays through the long endless stressful days and sleepless nights when a family member is seriously sick? Who bears the brunt of inconvenience, discomfort, futility, distress, disappointment, fear, anxiety, discouragement, and purse disasters? And yet fiercely holds on to a thin thread of hope regardless? Who loves unconditionally despite and through the hurt and pain? Who pretends to be strong when in truth strength is steadily draining away? Who bombards the heavens with ardent pleas for miracles? Who puts on a brave smile despite the crash of emotions in the heart and tears wanting to gush out of the floodgates of one’s eyes?

The FAMILY! --Father, mother, son, daughter, sister, brother… And maybe too your extended family, as some homes include that. I praise and thank God for the blessings of my family!

Nobody can love you like your family does. Nobody can bear up with your unlovable ways and flaws and traits. Nobody can forgive you your faults easily. Nobody can continue believing in you despite the visible signs pointing to your destruction. Nobody can see you better, your good and bad, and still stubbornly make excuses for your noticeable imperfections. Nobody will stand by you through thick and thin. Nobody prays for you harder and hardest. Nobody but nobody will love you for who you are and not for what they think you should be.

So now if you have been treating your family as second class citizens of your life and home… or setting them down on the sidelines on your list of priorities… or taking them for granted because you think they will always be there for you… or have always been inconsiderate of their feelings… or ordered them around like servants and slaves… or shout at them for disrupting your work… or demand that they put your interest and wishes first above the rest… or keep them awake nights waiting for you and you come home drunk… or badgered them with your repeated nagging on nonsensical things… or set very high standards for them to keep up with while you yourself break some rules… or be so unreasonably impatient and annoyed by their imperfections and mistakes… or make no effort to talk with them or ask about their day… and many more.

Then you are up to losing the most precious people in the world in your life one sad day. Maybe not outright because sometimes the hurt and pain can pile up slowly unnoticed bit by bit through the years until it becomes a mountain of bitterness and resentment which will finally at some point break that person and shatter the home. This can happen to the best of families, to the best of people wherever in the world.

Are you going to wait for that to happen to your family? --To you?

Continued


WHAT HAS LIFE TAUGHT ME THIS TIME (Lesson 1)

I shall not go over the nitty-ditty details of the recent events from the time he was rushed to the hospital and down to the internment. No. Those should now be kept in the vault of memories only to be taken out in private moments sometime in the present or somewhere in the future. So then I’m locking the vault now and putting aside the key.

Let me tell you something else but not apart from the experience I have been through. Fact is, these things grew out from it… rather were formed by it.

Remember the many times I have said in the blogs that life always has a lesson or lessons stacked up for us to learn as we travel our respective life journeys? Oh yes, the lessons are there indeed… but then we must try to find out what they are.

Allow me then to share with you these lessons, in random order (these may take several posts), which life has heaped upon my and my children’s small frail shoulders just recently. Some or most of it you may have heard before but you know what, it’s quite different when these things happen to you in a strong dramatic way like it did to me. It impacts you much harder than when you simply hear bout it or see it in other people’s lives. Seeing it and living it are apparently and hugely not the same.

-------------------------------------


LESSON 1 - FAMILIAL LOVE IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

Tell me who stays through the long endless stressful days and sleepless nights when a family member is seriously sick? Who bears the brunt of inconvenience, discomfort, futility, distress, disappointment, fear, anxiety, discouragement, and purse disasters? And yet fiercely holds on to a thin thread of hope regardless? Who loves unconditionally despite and through the hurt and pain? Who pretends to be strong when in truth strength is steadily draining away? Who bombards the heavens with ardent pleas for miracles? Who puts on a brave smile despite the crash of emotions in the heart and tears wanting to gush out of the floodgates of one’s eyes?

The FAMILY! --Father, mother, sister, brother… And maybe too your extended family, as some homes include that.

Nobody can love you like your family does. Nobody can bear up with your unlovable ways and flaws and traits. Nobody can forgive you your faults easily. Nobody can continue believing in you despite the visible signs pointing to your destruction. Nobody can see you better, your good and bad, and still stubbornly make excuses for your noticeable imperfections. Nobody will stand by you through thick and thin. Nobody prays for you harder and hardest. Nobody but nobody will love you for who you are and not for what they think you should be.

So now if you have been treating your family as second class citizens of your life and home… or setting them down on the sidelines on your list of priorities… or taking them for granted because you think they will always be there for you… or have always been inconsiderate of their feelings… or ordered them around like servants and slaves… or shout at them for disrupting your work… or demand that they put your interest and wishes first above the rest… or keep them awake nights waiting for you and you come home drunk… or badgered them with your repeated nagging on nonsensical things… or set very high standards for them to keep up with while you yourself break some rules… or be so unreasonably impatient and annoyed by their imperfections and mistakes… or make no effort to talk with them or ask about their day… and many more.

Then you are up to losing the most precious people in the world in your life one sad day. Maybe not outright because sometimes the hurt and pain can pile up slowly unnoticed bit by bit through the years until it becomes a mountain of bitterness and resentment which will finally at some point break down that person.

Are you going to wait for that to happen to your family? --To you?

Continued


Monday, December 31, 2007

I HAVE LEARNED THAT.......


(We were at the grave of her dad paying our respects last Sunday when this picture was taken by my youngest daughter, Malen -- she aimed her cellphone upwards focusing on a tree silhouetted against the cloudy sky blocking out the sun. How eloquently don't you think does it speak of my heart - our hearts - at this low point in our lives.)

I have been through a lot in life particular this past few weeks wherein I was battered and bruised by anxiety, frustration, discouragement, fear, doubt, failed expectations, unhappiness, loneliness, grief, and sorrow.... name it and I've been through it. Even my faith went diving to the lowest ebb I've never felt before.

I can't hold back time nor tell it to stay at that point I felt so much happiness. Even if I badgered or pushed or bribed or screamed my head off telling it to STOP! STAND STILL! FREEZE! PLEASE!!! It won't, not for me or for anyone like me. Time is cruel and is not moved by tears grief or sorrow. It will do what it does, always what it does so well... and that is -- it moves on, with or without us.

But all that I now look back to with fresh understanding courage and strength. And perhaps even much more wiser as my faith also has found itself renewed. God may have led me through the deep dark valley but He also led me out to the sun and new life. For all that and even more I am so grateful to Him ---a loving God who keeps His promises and answers prayer. To Him who loves truly fully and so well.

If there is something, aside from my family, which helped buoy up my flagging spirit.... it is wonderful friends and beautiful friendships. Nothing can ever equal these in any terms or currency or compliment or riches... NOTHING. They are in a class all of their own.. incomparable and worthy.

Allow me to mention names here who came to my blogs in o3 and blogspot and too left warm messages in orkut. But I will beg your pardon if I have missed some names. It is not intentional. But I know and you know too that the heart is so much better in remembering wonderful people than the mind ever is . So I say with confidence that you ALL are remembered here where it matters most --- in the heart.

Here they are not in any particular order......

sumit, jitu, divya, keerthi, srividya, LP53, niceguy, samyukta, regina, pearl, justcurious, phoenix, indrasish, kamesh, amit, shrawan, amita, lust4life, zephyr, chakoli, thisisme, mini, ramya, sneha, sensitivesmile, virtualscorpio, khalid, joel, and raj.

I say... You are all so wonderful! How lucky and privileged I am to have your friendships, for having you in my life. Thank you so much! I pray that God bless you with tons and tons of blessings for your peace, joy, happiness, good health, success, and prosperity all through your lives.

Love you all!
Ellen


There's more to tell on the subject of life lessons... but let's have it in another post. See you there soon.


Saturday, December 15, 2007

SORROW AND SADNESS




Dear Friends,

May I ask for your prayers? My husband passed away last December 09, 2007 at 2:30AM.

God bless you.
Thank you.

Ellen






Sunday, December 2, 2007

NO ONE ELSE YOUER THAN YOU

Maria (that’s not her real name, of course) only 5’ tall, weighs about 119 lbs, short black hair, black eyes, worry-wart, perfectionist, stubborn, outspoken, multi-talented, conservative, analytical, and reflective. Her life story is quite dotted with disappointments and unhappiness but she’s got spunk which I admire. She lives an hour away from me in another part of the city but we call each other up if meeting up isn’t possible.

Ralph is married, in his early fifties, doesn’t have a regular job, gets by with special projects much to the consternation of his wife, has excellent pr with friends and colleagues but isn’t quite successful in the home and with family.

They are just two of countless other people in my social circle -- Same as with yours and too with theirs. Now why should I even mention these? I’m trying to drive home a point – an essential one.

We see zillions of people around us with distinct features and characteristics. But of course that’s an exaggeration because in our close circle we can only count about hundreds. But in the world outside there are zillions. We’ve been told that no two persons are alike although they seem to be similar but still not the same. So then you, I, and they are distinctly different and separate in our own selves and persona.

I like that thought. It makes me feel very special. Don’t you too?

When you see me do the things I do, talk the way I do, think the way I do, walk the way I do ---- that’s me --- intrinsically genuinely me…Unless I put up a façade, but what for? Why pretend what I am not when being real is a lot more fun and interesting, at least to my point of view. It has nothing to do with being smug or proud or snooty liking oneself --- Although some people can take it to extremes and that’s where the problem begins. The idea of appreciating who I am and what I am makes life simpler and less stressful in a huge measure for myself and for others who move in and out of my turf or vice versa.

When I see myself as who I am --- the whole package of traits and flaws – and understand what makes me tick and still be comfortable with that I think am right on track with good sense. So then I can too appreciate others who may display other traits possibly quite unfamiliar to me and yet which I know do genuinely reflect their own distinct personality of who they are. I begin to learn to allow leeway for unpleasantness or idiosyncrasies of character because that too understandably is also in my own physical set-up. Understanding then takes place and then sets the correct mode in my relationships or dealing with others.

I’m not going to dwell on the idea of changing where change should be, with reference to unpleasantness of character. Let’s leave that for another blog post.

The whole point of this exercise is to highlight how special you are as a person, an individual, a human being, creature, and character. Let nobody tell you otherwise. They have no permission to say that you are not. Neither do they have license to heap words of abuse on your character and person. Defend yourself and stand up for who you are. You are special, particularly in God’s eyes.

You are special, you are one and there is nobody else alive like you. They may copy you or seem to be like you but still they are not you. Get my point? Who else would heap canapés on his pizza or walk in the park bare foot or look through a magazine from back to front? Others may share your taste or preferences but you alone possess your own particular trademark as Mary, John, Peter, Raj, Diwa and so on and so forth.

Because as Dr. Seuss says…..

THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE
WHO IS YOUER THAN YOU"