Saturday, September 25, 2010


A friend once asked me about marriage. So here's what I think about it.


1) discovery and eye-opener

After the trappings of marriage or its dust has settled down, you begin the journey to discovery. You see things, moments, situations, nuances of character come out to the fore - things you never saw before in courtship. It's like opening a can of Pork and Beans .. seeing the beans alright but surprised to see only one piece of pork. You expected at least several. True to the adage 'what you see is not always what you get'. You get stumped now by habits you thought weren't there or words you never expected to hear from the other. You thought you shared the same preferences but now see that he really likes the color brown instead of the blue t-shirts you always bought for him. That she likes quiet stay-home Saturdays instead of visiting your parents. You'll be hearing 'NOs' instead of the 'YESs' that you've been used to. Now you begin to wonder. But hold your judgment or disappointment.. keep an open mind. Give it more time. Both of you are going through the same stage.

2) presence of conflicts

Conflicts are part and parcel of marriage just like everything else in life. There will always be something for or against you and what you hold dear. After all a long history goes into the making of a person, we know that. It isn't true that marriage banishes conflicts away like magic. Marriage does not have a built-in solution to problems. When a situation arises in which both don't see eye-to-eye with, usually one or the other would be likely to aggressively assert his point of view as the correct one. That may be right .. and too wrong. Right maybe as knowledge and good sense may tell you so, but wrong because you cannot just demand nor dictate attention or acceptance to your own views. World wars and disputes were created by something like that. And that is not the option.

3) give/receive gracefully generously

You'd think that giving is as easy as eating pie. It's not always the case. Especially when doing so causes you some amount of discomfort or reduces you to an uncomfortable level of capacity and resource. Sometimes you are asked to give where it hurts. Negative feelings usually accompany such kind of giving. Giving as is seen in our daily lives is not always motivated by love or affection. Often it is motivated by compromise or convenience, breeding, background, education, genealogy, favors or expectations. So much can be said of receiving too. If doing one or the other makes you or the other person quite uncomfortable - then don't. Give only what is truly felt in the heart. Because that is where authentic giving (and receiving) resides. And remember that this does not apply to the physical and material aspects of a married life alone. It encompasses everything meant to be shared in the spirit of joyful oneness... a shared life.

4) teacher-learner situations

Marriage does not put an end to learning. It simply opens up more doors to it. Understandably, no person has the monopoly on knowledge, information, talent, skills, wisdom, ability, or simple common sense. The other person in the marriage has a fair amount of it too. Perhaps even in good measure. It's not a contest as to who is more intelligent, bright, or smart. It may look that way to some because we, foolish beings, are so good at putting up appearances. But that won't work; can't be fooling everybody all of the time. You'll soon enough get tired putting up that show for their benefit anyway. Get it into your mind that marriage is another branch of school and that you are being tasked to learn (more) new things. A simple way of saying it but likely is its best explanation. So when one or the other comes up with some good lesson, don't cut him or her short or brush it away as your ego would probably dictate you to. But listen well. Whatever learning there is, it deserves your full attention. It does not diminish you but rather increases you as a person... sufficient to put you up very well to the challenges of married life.

5) a certain 'death' to self

When someone says this 'I die a thousand deaths ...' -- that person could be speaking out of the fullness of the heart. What happens in our world is mostly stored in our hearts. Pain, hurt, suffering, bitterness, fear, anger, and too the beautiful feelings of joy, love, hope, trust, care, strength. And so much more. The heart is made full by these. But he must be referring to mainly 'sacrifice'. Marriage provides ample opportunity for sacrifice. In a sense aptly called 'death to self'. A favorite food is passed up so that the other could have his own choice. A second job is taken to add up to the family coffers. Delegating one's personal pleasures, convenience, likes or dislikes, or preferences in favor of the other half is truly like dying to one's self. But we do this in marriage, also in life when the situation asks for it. The difference lies in how do you 'sacrifice'? If you feel obliged to, forget about it. I don't even do that with my dog for whom I stop whatever it is am doing at the computer just to pat her head when she comes to me. It's not an obligation; it's something I want to do. That makes her very happy. Makes us both happy!

6) height of vanity to suppose that you can make an honest man or woman of anyone

Change is something that begins with self. Nobody can change a person unless that person agrees or consents to change. So to embark on a mission of changing an alcoholic spouse or abusive spouse without the help of the right authorities or agencies is pure folly. Don't flatter yourself thinking that love will make the change happen. So much in the same sense that you cannot change a lazy bum, an inveterate liar, two-timer, or an inconsiderate selfish blob or ego queen into a sweet faithful thoughtful person. Would take so much more than your effort to bring that about. People are who they are when they enter the marriage. They come with both their good and their bad unfortunately. Know who you are marrying. Take the time to know before you take the plunge. That will save you a dozen heartaches later. Remember that change happens only when that person agrees to change. Otherwise you'll simply be clutching at fragile straws in the wind.

7) a triangle: man, woman, God

Life is tough and we need all the help we can get to weather its storms. Our efforts or resources are insufficient on its own when the going gets tough and tougher. That's the same in marriage. Problems can be overwhelming at some point leaving us drained weary and exhausted physically emotionally and spiritually. But if we have learned to humbly get down on our knees and pray, God swiftly acts in His great love and mercy to bring comfort and help. God isn't something that's simply relegated to the shelf or altar of our faith and be remembered only when troubles strike. He is bigger than all of that. We do not have a small God. He can do so much more if we let Him. He will guide, protect, heal, counsel, move mountains, and bless tremendously. We can have everything that we might need for a blessed marriage, or life. With Him, through Him. He wants to give, to bless us, to be part of our life. All that we have to do is make God a part of it all. Can that be so hard? He is just waiting to be invited into the marriage, into our home, into our lives. He is waiting to hear you say "Come in, Lord." Make that happen.

God's blessings upon you all.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Ultimately, answers to prayers are what God thinks is good for you. But there's a big question there: Will you like what God is going to give you? -- There's a huge pull from opposite sides to that question. From the optimists and the pessimists. We all struggle with that. Don't we sometimes wish that God were simple to understand? Don't we sometimes wish too that we had no hearts to feel and no minds to think? But that isn't so. Because God meant our lives to be a journey of faith - in mind, heart, in deeds. And FAITH will always be the story of our lives. Because no matter how you look at it, faith is behind everything that is about courage, strength, hope, trust, believing, and true living.

There is so much happening in the world that tries to shake us from our faith. Things which wrest us from the truth of our existence. That we are meant for greatness, hope, joy, peace, goodwill, health, success, abundance. But all these good things and more rest on the foundation of faith. Faith in a God who is greater than all of life, creation, of all the land and time. And that same God is the same one who loves us beyond measure. Is that hard to believe -- the Divine One loving us mere tiny mortals who are so flawed selfish and foolish?
But He does! That's the awesome truth about it. And out of that love we are saved - protected - healed - guided - provided for. He cares for us so much that He won't even allow anyone or anything to hurt or harm us... even from or by our own hands and small silly minds. Oh yes how we can do things to hurt ourselves.

I know for certain God answers prayers. But He answers them His way, in His time, in His divine wisdom. You can be sure though that it will all be for our good individually or collectively. That then is what and why we should contemplatively exhaust our energies and thoughts in trying to understand Him. By whatever name He is called by different cultures, race, color, or creed... He is the same God of love. And how He loves all peoples of the world! He does!

There is so much more to be said but I shall not venture out further than my thoughts now. Will leave the rest to those who speak better on the subject.

God bless, everyone.
Just some thoughts on an overcast morning such as this... but thoughts which leave behind a nice warm feel-good feeling :-) Ah I don't think I will be getting much reader views on this post Lols! -- might be considered 'preachy'. But no matter. The picture was forward to me by a good friend and its power immediately sat my thoughts in motion lols! Do tell, do you have a memorable God-experience in your life? Has it changed anything i.e. perception, understanding, insight, etc.?

Sunday, September 12, 2010


(An aunt thinks this is a long post so have shortened it. But its entirety is posted in another blog. Thank you.)

BUT ..... what we can take pride in and on is that our minds have retained its power -- never has grown stale nor weak. Unlike our bodies which changes with time. In fact, our minds have grown to such stature that it now defines us as individuals in our own right. I believe younger minds have bowed down to wisdom.

So then let us adapt to these changes -- better for us if we do and better for our respective families who only want to do what is right for us out of great love and affection. Give them credit for such noble familial values. We ourselves, if you remember, have taught them that. Those are the very same things which will be passed on to their children. It will go down to many generations. A legacy -- Love of family. Let it not be said that we as parents have deprived our own children of such wonderful character and values... all because we so foolishly hang on to the illusion that we 'feel young' and want to be treated as so.

Who wants to grow old?! I don't. Does anyone? I don't relish the idea of being dependent, hopelessly tied to restrictions that come with age. I don't relish the idea of not being able to run in the vast fertile meadows that I love with the wind on my face chasing butterflies. I don't delight in looking at pills on my plate along with a delicious dish of my favorite morning breakfast. I weary at the thought of the aches and pains in my knees and bones after indulging in an exhilarating enjoyable activity. And to the vanities of women like me, I fear the wrinkles multiplying on my face each year. Most of all, I feel the loneliness of being alone by myself unable to participate in the hustle-and-bustle of the vibrant active life I see in others. (As a hindsight, we've been there-done that and enjoyed it too, haven't we? Lots of good memories there.)


I write. And there in the writing I renew my strengths. I am eternally young. I soar unfettered by physical wings of flight but rather on wings of awe discovery learning wonderment and imagination. I am free from this physical body.. unrestrained unshackled unchained. Thoughts dance on print. It takes wings and touches the sky. It glides over wonderlands of magic. It unravels mysteries and reveals truths and carries songs soothing weary hearts. It reveals to me blessings known and unknown. It wraps my heart with love and thanksgiving as it takes me closer to the heart of God.

My dear friends, one has not to be defined by the physical changes of time on our bodies. No matter how uncomfortable it may seem. Rather one must seek to nurture preserve and grow that which shapes our person and character. We are defined by the power of our minds and the warmth of our hearts and the strength of our faith. It assures us of immortality by what we think, say, and do with it - by it - for it. Be that person and you will live forever in your children's hearts and on to generations following. Be that person and although it may not take away your aches and pains, fears and loneliness -- it will keep the door of happiness always open to you. And all you have to do is just to step right in each time.

Blessings to you and your family.
Have a lovely weekend.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Yes, that’s us -- we are glasses indeed –

of different shapes, sizes, thickness, and colors. Interesting in its diversity but a glass is small and can hold only little water. So are we. We have such very small opinion of ourselves seeing ourselves as insignificant people undeserving and unworthy of good things. We hold so little of life in our hands because we do not give ourselves the chance to hold more of what life can offer us. We buckle down with the slightest problem when we could rise above it and cut its power to defeat us. We hold only a trickle of blessings in our lives when we could have so much more. We cannot give to others much – how can we from such a meager supply? We do not believe in a big God because our small minds cannot. We do not get what we hope and pray for because our small faith cannot handle that either.

Rather be a lake ---

A vibrant bubbling lake within which all of life runs through. It never gets ruffled by both the big and minute life forces which heap on it all of its burdens of living and dying. It doesn’t mind the stones and pebbles thrown on it because it simply lets it sink down to the bottom lost and forgotten. It savors the raindrops falling or the sun’s rays beating down on its crystal clear fluid face. It reflects all of beauty around it --- receiving and giving back freely. It gives and gives never running out never tiring of giving because it holds even so much more. It delights in being big – wide – immense – large – open - vast. It is there to give life, to teach life, to share life -- there for all the seasons of life unchanging, happy in receiving blessings God pours upon it, and literally opens its heart to anyone who seeks its genuine treasures.
And so must we be --- a lake. Not a glass. Life has so much in store for us if only we believe. God is simply waiting to bless us if only we let Him. God wishes to bless.

(Wrote this months ago. Am bringing it here again for a friend who, I think, needs to see this.)