Sunday, December 2, 2007


Maria (that’s not her real name, of course) only 5’ tall, weighs about 119 lbs, short black hair, black eyes, worry-wart, perfectionist, stubborn, outspoken, multi-talented, conservative, analytical, and reflective. Her life story is quite dotted with disappointments and unhappiness but she’s got spunk which I admire. She lives an hour away from me in another part of the city but we call each other up if meeting up isn’t possible.

Ralph is married, in his early fifties, doesn’t have a regular job, gets by with special projects much to the consternation of his wife, has excellent pr with friends and colleagues but isn’t quite successful in the home and with family.

They are just two of countless other people in my social circle -- Same as with yours and too with theirs. Now why should I even mention these? I’m trying to drive home a point – an essential one.

We see zillions of people around us with distinct features and characteristics. But of course that’s an exaggeration because in our close circle we can only count about hundreds. But in the world outside there are zillions. We’ve been told that no two persons are alike although they seem to be similar but still not the same. So then you, I, and they are distinctly different and separate in our own selves and persona.

I like that thought. It makes me feel very special. Don’t you too?

When you see me do the things I do, talk the way I do, think the way I do, walk the way I do ---- that’s me --- intrinsically genuinely me…Unless I put up a façade, but what for? Why pretend what I am not when being real is a lot more fun and interesting, at least to my point of view. It has nothing to do with being smug or proud or snooty liking oneself --- Although some people can take it to extremes and that’s where the problem begins. The idea of appreciating who I am and what I am makes life simpler and less stressful in a huge measure for myself and for others who move in and out of my turf or vice versa.

When I see myself as who I am --- the whole package of traits and flaws – and understand what makes me tick and still be comfortable with that I think am right on track with good sense. So then I can too appreciate others who may display other traits possibly quite unfamiliar to me and yet which I know do genuinely reflect their own distinct personality of who they are. I begin to learn to allow leeway for unpleasantness or idiosyncrasies of character because that too understandably is also in my own physical set-up. Understanding then takes place and then sets the correct mode in my relationships or dealing with others.

I’m not going to dwell on the idea of changing where change should be, with reference to unpleasantness of character. Let’s leave that for another blog post.

The whole point of this exercise is to highlight how special you are as a person, an individual, a human being, creature, and character. Let nobody tell you otherwise. They have no permission to say that you are not. Neither do they have license to heap words of abuse on your character and person. Defend yourself and stand up for who you are. You are special, particularly in God’s eyes.

You are special, you are one and there is nobody else alive like you. They may copy you or seem to be like you but still they are not you. Get my point? Who else would heap canapés on his pizza or walk in the park bare foot or look through a magazine from back to front? Others may share your taste or preferences but you alone possess your own particular trademark as Mary, John, Peter, Raj, Diwa and so on and so forth.

Because as Dr. Seuss says…..



  1. Dear Friends,

    I took the liberty of bringing here the message of a very dear friend, ROHIT, done in o3. If by so doing will prove to him that he can do a comment here and would be published too. Besides it's a lovely letter and I would like to keep it with me always, the same way that I treasure all of your messages. Thank you, guys.
    To quote...

    re: TODAY SHOULD BE OUR MOST WONDERFUL DAY rohit 12/1/2007 4:59:00 PM

    Hi Ellen,

    I feel I should apologise to you first, but I am sure a person as wise as you are, would undertsand that at times, for reasons or no reasons, one goes through a typical bout of mood-swings which creates a barrier in communication. To be honest with you, read all ur posts and tried commenting on blog-spot but wumhow the comments dint appear everytime I did so. Perhaps some silly mistakes by me.

    Really was overwhelmed reading ur mail and felt from heart that, yes, world is full of nice people like you who knows and value the value of relationship even for those whom you have never ever met in life. Seriously, have to learn so much from u in life but prsently I am feeling so very guilty for not being in touch for such a long time. Hope u wud forgive me. I do not want to put in any excuse for that coz they wud all be baseless, but never forget that u r one person whom i really respect from the core of my a an elder..u have shown paths to many people ..
    hope u and ur family are going along well with ur daughters follwing ur path the way u wud have loved to see them.

    tk cr plzz

    love u Ellen..plz always b here..dont know if blogspot acepts my comments again or not..

  2. Rohit, my dear friend,

    Please give it another try, opt in as Anonymous ... then you can simply sign your name at the end or bottom of your comment/message. Please don't give up; I will be expecting it.

    I will always be a friend to anyone who takes me into his or her life. So I am your friend for as long as you want.

    Take care always. God bless you.


  3. Okay, I'm doing a comment as Anonymous just to find out if anything's wrong with this message box. Did the word verification too. It asked for it twice. (Ellen)

  4. Hello Ellen,

    Thanks for dropping by my blog :) You can of course use that quote I had written on your previous post...

    This post of yours too brings forth a very important message !!

    If one keeps reminding oneself that the word special is synonymous to one's own self... the confidence it fills one with is amazing....

    When one begins to be one's own self.. the mind is so much at peace.. the self at ease....

    Nice post :)

    Inretrospect - A journey is sure becoming a must visit on my list of websites !!

    Take care...



  5. Hi, Manoj,

    What an honor to be in your list of must-visits, thank you! The pleasure is mine on this. :-)

    You are so right >> "...When one begins to be one's own self.. the mind is so much at peace.. the self at ease...."

    Yes, and it's a lot easier to the people around us and to the wider world outside.

    Take care pls. See yah, here or in your blog. God bless you!

  6. Hi Ellen :)

    How r u doing?

    Very well said in this post.. I follow the same dictum.. and I love the way I am.. in my own world.. not being unnnecessarily bothered about what people say.. Some like the way I am.. some want me to change..

    But at the end of the day, its me who has to decide.. and I am very comfortable and happy with my life in general. It actually makes one feel confident and gives strength to face anything in life.

    Sorry for not being regular.. but pls be reminded that I always take time out to read your posts if not comment on them. My mom has joined me yesterday to stay with me for a few months.. and I would want to spend more time with her..

    Take Care n God Bless!!

  7. I agree, Kamesh. Also that different people will have diverse impressions of a person. Certainly no one can hope to please people 100% all of the time. Different folks, different strokes so they say.

    Gee, there is no need for any apology, my good friend. Do what your day or days ask or require of you and your time. It is as it should be for everyone everywhere.

    Heyyy, how wonderful that your mother is vacationing with you. By all means, give her the best of your time and attention. Do extend my respectful and warm regards to your dearest mother.

    Yes, I know that you so wonderfully drop in whenever you're free... and how that pleases me so much. Thank you.

    So take care and God bless!!

  8. hi Ellen... its YOU... purely YOU...
    quite interesting post...
    being one self is quite easier than accepting others being themselves.... isn't it?...
    but lets give it a chance, and find the difference in the life... after all life itself is a chance...
    I accept the world as it is... hm... am digesting it... i am sure it will work...
    lovely writing ELLEN...
    i consider and respect ur blog as A CLASSIC SCHOOL OF PRACTICAL VIEWS...
    god bless...

  9. It's a good article, Elen. Sometimes you feel at a loss of self-belief because of stereotypical notions of people of how to be and how to live life. Your article of holding onto one's unique personality traits and being at peace with how one originally is - is the essence of self-assurance and perhaps the only way to avoid being at war with oneself.


  10. Hi Ellen,
    Just wanted to say hello & God Bless! I havn't commented in a while but I have been here reading. Sometimes there is just nothing to be said after a beautiful post!
    You have an awesome spirit!


  11. hey there, never realised u had moved out here...just stumbled across today.... nice thot provokin post as usual...


:-) Here's where I warmly welcome you and where you leave your footprints behind with fond memories attached to it of wonderful chats and friendships. Thank you for your comments. Or send your comments to Will be seeing you in your blog too. God bless you!