GIVING TO YOURSELF WELL - ALLOWS YOU TO GIVE TO OTHERS BETTER

I was at dinner one night with my two best friends. The place was nice, food was good, and so was the conversation. Until halfway through dinner, Jenny suddenly spoke up with a sigh ‘I feel so old and useless.’ That shook us by surprise. ‘Hey, what’s wrong now? “, May countered at the same time threw a quick glance at me. ‘Oh it’s this feeling I got yesterday. It feels like I’ve done nothing yet for me.’ Well, I won’t tell more about that night or about Jenny except that her words weighed heavily on my mind even long after that evening had past.

When I woke up early this morning I headed straight to my daughters’ bedroom to tidy up. I don’t know why they can’t learn to make up their beds before going to work. I’ve been trying to make them for years now. It’s all rush – rush – rush! Well, I saw this book lying on my daughter’s bed. It was A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Canfield and Hansen, authors. With nothing much to do I took it, sat on her bed and leisurely leafed through its pages … and froze on page 181. I remembered Jenny.

It read…

MILLIE’S MOTHER’S RED DRESS

It hung there in the closet
While she was dying, Mother’s red dress,
Like a gash in the row
Of dark, old clothes
She had worn away her life in.

They had called me home
And I knew when I saw her
She wasn’t going to last.

When I saw the dress, I said
“Why, Mother-- how beautiful!
I’ve never seen it on you.”

I sat by her bed
And she sighed a bigger breath
Than I thought she could hold.
“Now that I’ll soon be gone,
I can see some things.
Oh, I taught you good—but I taught you wrong.”

“What do you mean, Mother?”

“Well—I always thought
That a good woman never takes her turn,
That she’s just for doing for somebody else.
Do here, do there, always keep
Everybody else’s wants tended and make sure
Yours are at the bottom of the heap.

“Maybe someday you’ll get to them.
But of course you never do.
My life was like that—doing for your dad,
Doing for the boys, for your sisters, for you.”

“You did—everything a mother could.”

“Oh, Millie, Millie, it was no good—
For you—for him. Don’t you see?
I did you the worst of wrongs.
I asked for nothing—for me!

“Your father in the other room,
All stirred up and staring at the walls—
When the doctor told him, he took
It bad—came to my bed and all but shook
The life right out of me. “You can’t die,
Do you hear? What’ll become of me?’
“What’ll become of me?’
It’ll be hard, all right, when I go.
He can’t even find the frying pan, you know.

“And you children—
I was a free ride for everybody, everywhere.
I was the first one up and the last one down
Seven days out of the week.
I always took the toast that got burned.
And the very smallest piece of pie.

“I look to how some of your brothers
Treat their wives now
And it makes me sick, ’cause it was me
That taught it to them. And they learned.
They learned that a woman doesn’t
Even exist except to give.
Why, every single penny that I could save
Went for our clothes, or your books,
Even when it wasn’t necessary.
Can’t even remember once when I took
Myself downtown to buy something beautiful—
For me.

“Except last year when I got that red dress.
I found I had twenty dollars
That wasn’t especially spoke for.
I was on my way to pay it extra on the washer.
But somehow—I came home with this big box.
Your father really gave it to me then.
‘Where you going to wear a thing like that to—
Some opera or something?’
And he was right, I guess.
I’ve never, except in the store,
Put on that dress.

“Oh Millie—I always thought if you take
Nothing for yourself in this world
You’d have it all in the next somehow
I don’t believe that anymore.
I think the Lord wants us to have something—
Here—and now.

“And I’m telling you, Millie, if some miracle
Could get me off this bed, you could look
For a different mother, ‘cause I would be one.
Oh I passed up my turn so long
I would hardly know how to take it.
But I’d learn, Millie.
I would learn!”

It hung there in the closet
While she was dying, Mother’s red dress,
Like a gash in the row
Of dark, old clothes
She had worn away her life in.

Her last words to me were these:
“Do me the honor, Millie,
Of not following in my footsteps.
Promise me that.”

I promised.
She caught her breath
Then Mother took her turn
In death.

By Carol Lynn Pearson


It’s quite a long piece, isn’t it? But it can’t be written in any other way. This in the way Pearson wrote it is pure gold. Tomorrow I’m going to give Jenny a copy. And I am going to tell her that she would be doing her family a big favor and would love them best if first she learned to “do something – for me”… and to do it here—and now.

YOU CAN ALWAYS, ALWAYS GIVE SOMETHING --EVEN IF IT IS ONLY KINDNESS

If we wait for the perfect moment, the right timing, the worthy persons, or the highest peak of sympathy and compassion we will never get to do anything worthwhile. Big money is available only to a few lucky ones so we all know; popularity or influence sometimes is inherited through family prominence, so not everybody is afforded the opportunity or chance to do something special for a greater number of people on a grand or grander scale. Ordinary people and ordinary lives is what the world is mainly made of. But we all have the same hearts longing to make a contribution changing the world. So we try.. and thus some of us who can afford to try to make things happen by making out huge donations to a favorite charity, sponsor a gala event to highlight a good cause, finance a research project in a specific field such as medicine, education, environment, outer space, science, etc. Fantastic, isn’t it? Wish we could all be that and do all that but it isn’t quite so.

Instead we are this --- the husband and father rushing to work early in the morning, the wife and mother doing the endless chores around the home, and the children doing what children do. Then there’s the mailman delivering the mail, the power guy fixing power lines, the street sweeper, the plumber, the taxi driver, the salesgirl, and lots of others more. Look to our small neighborhoods and watch how life unfolds each day and you will see yourself mirrored in it.

We can give from what we are, who we are, and from what we have where we are. There’s our laughter, our joys, our apple pies, a cup of sugar for the person next door, a helping hand when sought for, or maybe just a friendly smile and some kindness for someone who appears lost. Those don’t cost much…even easier to give. And believe it or not we have them in abundant supply from within ourselves. I remember what mom used to say to me and my kid brother … ‘Anything of and from the heart is far more precious than a checkbook.’ Yup, it’s all right here in the heart. So give!

"How lovely to think that no one need wait a moment, we can start now, start slowly changing the world! How lovely that everyone, great and small, can make their contribution toward introducing justice straightaway... And you can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness!" -- Anne Frank

The BLOG PRAYER BRIGADE of DesertFishing

(This too is my prayer for the country and for the rest of the world. May many heed your call, DesertFishing. God bless you.)



THE LORD'S PRAYER

Our Father, in heaven,
Holy be your name;
your kingdom come;
your will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.

Give us today
our daily bread;
and forgive us our sins
as we forgive those
who sin against us.
Do not bring us to the test,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

HAVE THE DRIVE - BUT DRIVEN DON'T BE

Having the drive and being driven are two things different. The first one is good, we all know that; it takes you to your dreams; it provides you with the much needed push to plod on persistently towards ambition and dreams. The latter, on the other hand, can make you --- self-destruct. You don’t believe that? I don’t blame you. You must have seen people so driven in their desire to make good and got it. But, you know what, that’s not the whole story. Behind that you will find heartbreaking stories that will rend your heart --- broken families and relationships due to neglect, deprivation, false hopes, unmet expectations, with dear ones and fond ideals ignored – all cast aside as last on one’s priority list. Just because something else comes to you which you think needs you most does not give you the right to do that to the people you love. Because the people around you are part of you; you cannot leave them behind or shelve them, albeit temporarily, just because you are on something important. What’s more important than the people you love – they who mean the world to you – they who help shape who you are – they who stand steadfast and devoted to you regardless? So why not take them with you – involve them in your quest, share with them your joys and sorrows and hardships – keep them close because only they can love you best when you become possibly quite ‘unlovable’ (oh yes, that will happen) through that long arduous grueling demanding journey.

Have the drive, that’s wonderful. It can take you to great and greater heights. Don’t be too driven though because that can be your own downfall - it won’t let you think of anything else. Remember that life isn’t all about things; it’s mostly and primarily about people – especially the ones after your heart.

SOMETHING OLD IS SOMETHING NEW TOO

A small group of college kids sat at a table not far from mine. They were visibly glued to the screen of their friend’s laptop and seeing the expressions on their faces I could gather that something engaged their full attention. Now that pricked my curiosity - A weakness I must admit to having because it always becomes a good resource for writing. Luckily they were close enough for me to snatch bits of their conversation. Is that being nosey? Yes because it should be none of my business… and no because they were talking in loud voices anyway. It bothered the other folks around their table I could see. Oh well, but I was intent to gathering the ‘gems’. So then let’s continue. :-)

This exchange overheard got me particularly interested.

College boy 1: Hey this is terrific, makes sense. He’s got it all figured out that it looks so easy.

College boy 2: It’s a good one, yeah. But some big guy has said that before in a book. It’s not new.

Apparently they were viewing a blog (I caught a glimpse of the screen when the laptop was moved to a particular angle for their better viewing) and seemed impressed by it. But one guy’s remark though dropped the bomb.

“It’s not new.”

Oh but what is or isn’t new? When a person says something and the idea doesn’t seem fresh or original to us, must we straight away or hastily label it as ‘not new’? C’mon, don’t be too quick on that one because even if it were not new, literally, there is still something in there which we should give credit for.

When we see something which we like or appreciate so much and decide to embrace it, that thing becomes ours. This old idea or something takes on a new life with us - Because it will then gain or put on the thoughts, expression, passion, emotions, experience, or insights we would then be honestly pouring into it and as we use it in our daily association with others. Thus it will grow expand and become like new again in our hands. This is what we should try to see. Frankly, whatever we hear or read now has been spoken or written long before in our history. Our thoughts now were somebody else’s thoughts thousands of years ago but retold in so many different ways many times over and will go on and on unto generations coming one after the other. It will have many lives for as long as civilization exists.

I marvel at the many articles and books written on one same subject by different writers and authors but each brilliant as the other in both sameness and diversity. Amazing, isn’t it? You see, it’s not the story but the storyteller… not the song but the singer… not the writing but the writer … it’s the person behind the telling who lends anything its freshness every time. It’s always worth listening to. So then something old is something new too. Pay attention to who’s telling it.

YOU HOLD OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR OWN HANDS

I just can’t seem to crack this hard nut who happens to be my nephew. You see he has this idea that his golden opportunity is out there in a faraway rich country. So he wants to leave his job and fly out to his perceived land of milk and honey. I told him that it’s not always true, now he looks at me like I was a two-headed monster from outer space – especially when I said that this much sought after opportunity is already there in him, that he doesn’t have to go far to find it. He still doesn’t get it, he thinks I’m weird. So then where’d he get that idea? --No, not of me being weird lols (but I think I am sometimes lols)… but of seeking elsewhere for that good stuff desired by many. So what’s wrong here? Did school do that to him - or did his parents - or media? Who told him that this opportunity can only be found in a strange foreign land just because your friend has gone there before you, in an unfamiliar job that sucks even if it pays well, in high ranking positions and titles which has ‘corrupt’ attached to its name, or in the connections or ‘padrinos’ we are told we must have? Oh those may have their uses as some of us know but look again please and see that these external things are not the opportunities per se but simply the tools with which opportunity operates to accomplish goals, ambitions, or dreams. One word of caution though – choose wisely your tools okay?

Yes, I’ll say it again it’s already there in you and just waiting to be raised to the fore of your life and be set to work in creating your miracles for you. The opportunity within you is that tough strength you possess in coping with life’s trials and tribulations… the diligence and perseverance you arm yourself with in staying on track despite insurmountable obstacles… the intelligence of discovering creating or paving new ways or roads towards your dreams… the patience and wisdom of knowing that life is indeed tough but that you are tougher. Whatever you possess within you and that which pushes you towards excellence and achievement is that thing called opportunity. It’s right there in you alone. So then why not harness that and get it working for you now instead of pining away for a far-off land which you can’t even be sure would give you your dreams. You alone have the power to make your dreams come true wherever you are whatever you do --- it’s not found outside of you but within. And in case you forget or have forgotten, God put it there!

"The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone." - Orison Swett Marden

LESSON FROM A DINOSAUR

"The dinosaur's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an overabundance of bigness is not necessarily better." -- Eric Johnston

Let me interpret that on the context of an overblown-up ego. -Those whom the gods wish to destroy - they first make proud.’ I’m sure you have come across that famous line before. Ego and pride indeed has no merit in itself except turn a person into a stupid fool. Here’s this guy with a smug look on his face buoyed up by a successful sales pitch which his staff toiled over the night before. (Give credit where it’s due, man!) Or this young woman who clawed her way up the ladder and now sits in her own office on the seventh floor. (So how many heads did you step on --on the way up, kiddo?!)

You know, if a person is good then everybody will see that – the same thing when he is bad -- It’s easy. Praise or accolade must be deserved; you can’t steal or buy that. Let your deeds speak for you (not your power or position) or better yet let others do it for you. Besides you’ll get what you truly deserve good or bad, it’ll catch up with you sooner or later. So be careful cos that’s how the universe operates. 'Whatsoever you shall sow, so shall you reap!'

There’s just this one thing that you should understand, that we all should understand – that God made you (us) … so then you (we) must be special! Now with that said, let’s go back to the business of being special for others. If there’s anything which will make you feel good about yourself, it’s being a blessing to others. You’ll be surprised how the good vibes get back to you a thousand fold. Be blessed!

WILL BE AWAY FOR A BIT, BACK SOON

Lest you think I've left blogging for good which is quite unlikely lols :-) ... the blog will be quiet for awhile cos I will be off for a few days or a couple of weeks to go into surgery. But do go ahead and leave your messages in the blog and I will get back to it when I return. Take care, everyone. Blessings to you all!

STICK-TO-ITIVENESS

‘Stick-to-itiveness’ – that’s a word Mom would freely use when reminding me of my goals. She’d say ‘be like glue and be sticky!’ She was kidding of course but she made sense I soon found out on my own when she passed away several years later.

It’s something like this. It’s determinedly focusing on something which you strongly believe in no matter what other people may say to the contrary. It’s working harder than the rest because you know well deep inside that it’s all going to be worth your blood, sweat, and tears someday. It’s pushing the button even harder when friends say you should give it up. It’s trusting in yourself and in what you are capable of even if they say that you can’t or never can. It’s strongly believing in possibilities and potential and that this could happen to you -- Because, to quote Mom, ‘whatever you give fully from your heart and soul the universe in its wisdom will give back to you in full measure too’.

Goals and dreams are not easy to pursue… whatever they are or whatever size they may be, big ones -- small ones. You’d be up against all known resistance or conflict and impediment that all seem to conspire to get you off the track or make things so hard for you that you’d begin thinking of shifting gears and taking another road – an easier one. I often wondered just where these difficulties real or imagined come from. They usually crop up when least expected or least needed. But then again Mom would say ‘they’re there to see if you got the stuff to follow your dream’. Oh they do huh?! Well, I told Mom with the best bravado I could muster ‘this is one person who won’t buckle down with the slightest difficulty’. Mom would simply smile to that (and that made me feel quite uneasy). Why do mothers always see through their children?! And so to make a long story short -- I persevered doggedly, determinedly, persistently, resolutely, tenaciously, and whatever-else-you-may-call-it but which should mean ‘stick-to-itiveness’ in Mom’s dictionary. But I did get there (…to some of my goals; am working still on the rest) and I’ve loved that word ever since…using it like I use my toothbrush everyday. Next to God, Mothers know best.

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there." -- Josh Billings

(That's Maxie in the picture there, the youngest of our three dogs. She sure can teach you what 'determination' means. lols :-) Yeah, she succeeded to win a piece of Skittles from us.)

LIFE ISN'T ONLY ABOUT WORK

There was a time long ago in my teens that I would think ‘doing nothing’ was a crime. So I was careful that nobody would see me idle or resting. Made it a point that I would be seen as ‘doing something’ ‘working on something’ ‘performing’ ‘taking action’ – even when it was not necessary at all. Weird, wasn’t it? Well, life was a struggle and I was made to do my part to keep the wheels turning. Mom worked, Dad too, brother did the same—they all worked their butts out for the family. It got so hammered into me that pretty long the idea of rest became an abomination to my young mind. I was no longer comfortable being at rest. I saw the world and life as w-o-r-k!

So it was then and still was when I joined the corporate world… even if the reasons I slaved myself for were no longer there. Oh I still toiled my bones out on some days like I used to – well, habits are hard to shake off. But by some stroke of providence (that would be quite another long story) I began to change. This led me to a better appreciation of work and life, activity and rest, of what I can or can’t do and of what I should do given the right chance or opportunity.

I began to enjoy the day, time, moments, events, people, and the world at large. To my new eyes and mind the sky seemed bluer, the trees greener, the clouds like billows of cotton, the river waters rolling down merrily. I began to notice everything there was to see – hear – touch – experience – because I took the time to rest from my labors. So if I would be asked again… Doing nothing sitting under the shade of a tree or dipping my feet in the waters by the shore or looking up at the star strewn evening skies – is time well spent indeed, believe me. I realized finally that life isn’t all about work and work is not life and that a good balance between work and rest gives us a better handle on life and on ourselves. And so much more – I learned to see God better and His work in my life clearly… and learned well to appreciate it with my whole heart. In turn He taught me how to appreciate me.

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time." -- J. Lubbock