Friday, March 21, 2008


For those who have been following my blog, this I tell you guys keeps my pen feverishly working overtime – thank you for being there and making it all worthwhile, you all know what happened in December last year. My family lost a husband and father to diabetes complications. He was only 63.

Life indeed is not a bed of roses no matter how hard you work at it to make it so. Yes, you may get comfy and content sometimes happy for awhile but round the corner life will rear its ugly head seize you down and try to keep you there.

Is that a pessimistic view of life I’m taking? Not really. I’ve written so much on positivity and a can-do attitude towards life that being pessimistic so suddenly is quite absurd. But it is a realistic view of life ---as presented by life itself.

If indeed life isn’t a ‘bed of roses’, where therefore shall I plant my --- Rose Garden?

If life does not promise me joy and happiness, where therefore shall I search or go looking for that?

There hasn’t been many a time in the history of this old lady here (yea, I’ll be 62 in June) where I would wish to stay forever in utter bliss. To make a long story short, the rough beaten path or the so-called road less traveled (not the book) was the one laid out for me to journey through. I’ve got scars to show for having gone that way – in the mind, heart, and soul.

And another one, this time a bigger one, bruised me deep last December.

Looking back at all that transpired then now pins my heart down with a heaviness ---one which I think would take awhile to lift off and cast away. But they say that part of healing is going back to the pain, come to terms with it and then resolutely move towards bringing that chapter of one’s life to a close.

Going back to those difficult times of our lives always brings tears to our eyes—my eyes. My family and I miss many things of the family we once were with him. It was not a perfect family we knew that, in fact it had more rugged hills or steep mountains or deep valleys which took us careening wildly after every bout with it… but it was a family, our family. So when we saw the trend he was taking with his health condition which took him in and out of hospitals at short intervals through that year, we sensed a foreboding that something rough and tough was waiting up ahead. I was scared for my family.

And it came. It began in November and ended in his final days of December. He died on December 9 and we buried him on the 14th.

With him gone, a void took his place in our life – an empty space, an empty place… and

… a new set of FIRSTS.

  • Our first Christmas without him
  • Our first New Year celebration without him
  • Celebrating his birthday without him
  • Our first weekend bonding without him
  • Our first Family birthdays to be celebrated without him
  • Our first Palm Sunday without him with his usual purchase of a blessed palm frond
  • Our first Bisita Iglesia on Maundy Thursday without him leading the prayers with us
  • Our first Easter Sunday without him in church with us
  • Our first summer without him
  • My first wedding anniversary without him
  • And several more FIRSTS as life moves us along without him

But as a wise God has so arranged it magnificently… I have found my seeds now for my Rose Garden. Oh yes, it’s there on that list of firsts.

Seeds of…

  • Family
  • Closeness
  • Love
  • Faith
  • Strength
  • Hope
  • Resilience
  • Grit
  • Spirit
  • Laughter
  • Courage
  • Guts
  • Compassion
  • Kindness
  • Care
  • Bond
  • Friendship
  • Loyalty
  • Devotion
  • And even more new seeds are sprouting with each day, I can see.

This month, the third month after December, my Rose Garden will be planted. I have all the seeds I need and even more. One day soon those precious seeds nurtured and loved will transform into gorgeous blossoms of life and living. And from these my happiness will grow.

May God bless my Rose Garden.


  1. dear ellen,

    u r strong. my prayers are with u...
    in this season of peace, ressurection and hope...may u have them all...
    god bless!

  2. Dear Maya,

    By myself I am weak. In fact, whatever strength I may have had isn't mine but that of Someone up there. Where I am weak, He is strong for me. Story of my life. :-)

    Thank you for coming by. It's nice to see you here again. Hope all's well at your end. Take care always.

    Thank you for your lovely message. Blessings to you, dear friend.

  3. Hi Ellen,
    Awesome post as always. I love how you share your heart with us and appreciate your strength. You are one of the strongest women I have had the pleasure to meet (if even via the internet!).
    Unbeknownst to you many of your seeds are already planted! In your children those seeds bloom and live on, but also in the world at large. Everyone who reads this blog is getting some of those seeds!
    Peace & Love!

  4. Hi Ellen,

    For someone who is an ocean of wisdom like you, there's hardly any advice I can give..

    But often its seen that life throws certain situations at us when the mind goes numb and the wisdom goes for a toss..

    Its really tough to come to terms with the loss.. its close to three years since I lost my dad and our dear friend Jitu too lost her dad recently..

    But the thing to be kept in mind is that for every life on earth, death is a certainity. We all should be proud of the noble souls and thankful to them for being part of our lives and try to do our best to stand upto the values they inculcated in us. Also, we should try to do whatever we can to fulfil their dreams for us.

    Though our loved one's are not with us physically, they are always with us in our thoughts and memories and one can always feel their presence.

    There are many sad firsts in their absence, but we must ensure that we don't let our dear one's down and just this thought would give us enough strength to cope with the situations.

    Take Care of Yourself..
    May God bless you and your family.

  5. Ah, but you inspire, Regina, with those words. Lovely gift!

    Delighted to see you here. I hope that things are well at your end. Let me guess, you have new photographs of Easter in your blog. That should be something to see. :-D Will hie off to your blog in a bit. Lols!

    Wish you blessings of Easter for you and your lovely family.


  6. Thank you, Kamesh, for your words of comfort.

    You have coped very well with your dad's loss. Yes I have learned of Jitu's father's passing away recently.

    And you are right -- death is a certainty for all mortals. But it's a transition we all must pass through as we move on to life eternal in our heavenly home.

    Seeing you here now, I gather that you have recovered well from your illness. Great! Regards too to your mom.

    Blessings to you both.

  7. Hi Ellen,

    Its not the first time that your post made me speechless. I am just wondering about what you have mentioned, If indeed life isn’t a ‘bed of roses’, where therefore shall I plant my --- Rose Garden?

    Even if you have tried to be realistic, your above question still reflects the forever positive side of your's.

    Be the same and be there, I am glad to have you here.

  8. Hi Jigyasa,

    And too be there for me, dear friend. You and your words have always inspired me to carry on with writing and life. Thank you for your warm friendship.

    Wish you all the best in life.
    Tons of blessings to you and your loved ones.


:-) Here's where I warmly welcome you and where you leave your footprints behind with fond memories attached to it of wonderful chats and friendships. Thank you for your comments. Or send your comments to Will be seeing you in your blog too. God bless you!