YOU MAY HURT BUT YOU WILL ALSO GAIN

Sitting here by my nice couch which is about a year old now brought home by my youngest daughter who meant to surprise me then. And I was and I loved it. Well, today seems to be a rather slow day as the summer sun beats down heavily outside my window and yet eased up a bit by winds that blow here and there. That's a lovely sight seeing the leaves swaying on tree tops fanning the air. Maybe Mr. Rain will come visiting later in the day as it did yesterday. With that perhaps summer may be drawing to its close very soon.

I'm quite comfy here on the couch. But I know too that soon I would be getting off it and get back to my battles with life, so to speak. Yesterday I battled with a hectic day packed with things that superimposed on each other or were quite close on each other's heel... too close for comfort. Naturally such a situation would result in a bucket of stress.. or maybe buckets. But I would not go into details anymore because it's the usual normal things that eat up a person's day or life. What would be worth noting though is that the stresses were all for naught because things ended up well.. in fact way beyond expectation thus making everybody happy. All's well that ends well, as often said. Somebody up there must be smiling.

We go through a lot like that, some bigger and some much worse which get us hurt bashed and pushed to our limits. Often makes us think if there was some other way to live life and not have to go through such hell over and over again.

But we know the answer to that, don't we? There's none. Cause if there was -- then there would be gazillions on that side of the globe rocking this old world of ours or maybe causing it to spin widely in space. So don't waste time searching for utopia because it's only in the mind where it has always been anyway.

So then here we are battling our battles day after day. And we get hurt a lot in the process. But that's okay too. Because in every hurt, in every pain, in every tear --- rises courage, strength, faith, perseverance, understanding, determination, hope, and essentially joy. Oh yes, joy -- it comes like the sun comes -- brightly shining after a heavy rain!

This puts to mind a wonderful quote sent by a good friend.....

"But do not fear to live or love,
Life's not exempt from pain.
So pick a rose, you may get hurt,
But you will also gain!"

NOT ALWAYS WHAT I WANT

There are so many things I want in life that there's not enough fingers in my hands to count it with... toes included. Nope, it's not true that the farther one advances in years those wants decrease in proportion to it. Or have I said that correctly? Anyway, wanting something is part and parcel of being human. It never stops. But it does change in levels of priority, time and season, reason and rhyme, fashion ...and dreams. Truth is, I have more wants now and they are better defined meaning I understand what I truly want. Before, I wanted something because of some preset reason dictated by circumstance or life conditions. Now I find how much different it has become. Now i want this or that because i feel that it may be nice on me or will be good for me or that I will be enjoying it immensely. I want those things which will make me happy, comfortable, entertained, appreciated, or everything else that usually delights a woman's heart... and mind. And yes that list is now a mile long!

Will I get them all? Who knows?! I'm hoping that I would. Some have already been achieved though and you can just imagine how much pleasure and delight it brought me. Now am tweaked with bigger anticipation to look forward to the rest coming my way in their own good time. Admittedly things do come to us in its proper time and timing. You can't push it but you can pray for it.

But.....

There are also much on that list that I don't get. It's a downright 'No' on an item or two from Someone up there, and there's a 'Wait' on a few, and 'let's come back to this later' on some. Does that disappoint me? Of course it does and it raises my level of impatience a notch higher every time. So I make alterations adjustments conditions promises to my prayer with the intent of making the Big Guy up there concede to my request. But nope He won't budge. Not one iota of movement. Ugh!

But..... I'm glad.

If I had all my wants realized i would be ecstatically happy.. believe me, but is that a guaranty that it would be good for me too? I mean good in its truest sense. I can see what I see before my eyes... things which are tangible and real to my senses. But there's more to just the sensory thrill or satisfaction of a wonderful experience. That can easily pass with time. There should be a much more serious meaning or purpose or depth in the wanting and receiving, I believe.

Therefore I think that alone comes in wanting too what I need. Because in reality it's not always what I want that I get. But rather it's most times what I need. These created who I am today, shaped me in my thoughts and attitude towards people - life - the world. The Big Guy up there sure knows His job. Thus He does not always give me what I want although I'm sure He could..... but He gives what I need because he wants me to grow - mature into the person he meant me to be in the first place. He does this with everyone.... everyone!

So really, it's not always what we want but what we need that we get. I am learning to appreciate that.

(Picture is courtesy of friend-photographer Larry Conception)

CROSSES VISIBLE AND INVISIBLE

The world in truth and fact is a miserable place. It holds so much of stuff we don’t really want and yet are because somebody up there thinks we need to be better functioning creatures of this planet called earth. I won’t argue that because I agree. It’s a long tedious process of becoming worthy of life in the here and now.. and of what’s coming when we move on to the next realm. Wherever that is. Meantime, what are we doing with the world and with ourselves as the process carries us along? I can tick off a long list of gloom and misery we have given the world and given ourselves, but you wouldn’t want to hear about something that which you already know or have on your list too.

Well, some people call it crosses, others consider it burdens, a good number call it challenges. If we are to look at it as something which lies heavy on our backs and carry wherever we go like it or not… for some reason partly our mistake and often beyond our control….then maybe we should call it a cross. A parallel view would be the cross on the shoulders of the Galilean who carried it to his death on Golgotha. But am not going there, we’re not talking about religion here. But I will write about crosses.

Like we all do know life is definitely not a bed of roses. Whoever says it is must be looking the other way or is related to Annie of the Broadway play but which, incidentally, is a play I adore. Good songs in there. But factually the Annie’s of the world are far and few. And some have moved on to be saints.

Anyway personal crosses are so much more deep profound and difficult. Maybe it’s because you have no help in dealing with it. Unlike if you were the head of a nation and you got dozens of people around you who you could send out to the field to kill the enemy. But that doesn’t always solve the problem. We know that because history tells us so. People’s crosses come in different sizes, shapes, weight, intensity, and diversity… visible and invisible. We see people struggling with their jobs, families, health, relationships, worship, leadership, communications, inventions, and we understand truly sympathizing and feeling compassion or connection with them. After all we all stand connected and are visibly the same in such things and perhaps even more.

But yes there's more. Can we.....

-- see truly what goes on inside a person suffering his cross
-- see the pain grief or sorrow buried hidden inside
-- understand how it is to keep hope alive in the midst of hopelessness
-- grasp his feelings of inadequacy or insecurity that despite his enormous talent others are getting recognition for a much inferior job
-- feel the torment suffered in silence by a person bound to a wheelchair
-- truly understand broken hearts, broken dreams, and broken lives languishing within
-- and so much more.

The invisible crosses they carry on their frail and burdened shoulders are twice heavier because they carry it alone. No we don’t see that plastered all over their faces – advertised in big bold letters, no we don’t. We won’t see it, maybe because they are so good at putting up the brave face of courage hope and faith. Funny but they never seem to give up. You know sometimes the crosses that people bear are seldom in plain sight. Sometimes ...we can't even tell just by looking at them.

And you know what.. they mirror us. We have our crosses too both visible and invisible. We all do. But we never should give up too. Maybe..... "The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow --- there'll be sun...." (Annie)

THE ATTIC OF THE MIND

So what’s inside an attic of a house? --Plenty of material stuff, old stuff, right? Things such as those you won’t part with but which you should, stuff that’s hard to get rid of because nobody else wants it, bits and pieces which piled up through one indecision after another, and relics which you’d rather be without but are not free to dispose of. Perhaps many more according to what a person considers I can, I won’t, I must -- disjointed memories in most of that.

It’s the same thing with the attic of the mind. We put in a lot in there both good and bad. It’s all about memories, feelings, experiences, insights, biases, prejudices, some fears, expectations. It’s a place where we store all that we wished didn’t have to happen and those which did happen but ended up not the way we had hoped for… and too some dreams hidden away albeit indefinitely but waiting to be retrieved at some opportune time.

Like a house attic we go back to it again and again but not always with the intent to do some cleaning up or clearing out because sometimes the timing isn’t just quite right. Strange as it may seem but it’s just having the feeling of wanting to be there and immerse oneself with what has gone by. It’s like watching a rerun of an old movie --your life. Flashbacks is what they call it. When it comes to you from a certain time or moment in the past, you may feel a twinge of sadness regret or remorse realizing you failed in doing the right thing as you see it now replayed for you. That’s what it holds mostly -- the ifs –buts – perhaps – should haves – the might-have-done-this-and-not-that.

Oh but there are the good stuff too -- those times which gave you so much joy, anticipation, happiness, fulfillment, immense satisfaction. But it does not make the mind attic its home for long. Because it’s always taken out of there and relived repeatedly or passed on to another sharing the same excitement and thrill. The good times roll back and forth in people’s minds and hearts; it never rests. It never is allowed to stand still.

Unlike a house attic though where often you can throw away stuff if you are truly hell-bent on doing so, that is after maybe a heated argument with someone who claims its ownership, ---you can never throw away stuff in your mind attic. It’s stuck with you and you’re stuck with it. Why? - Because everything in there is you. It’s all tied up to who you are, what you are, and what you could be. It’s you groping for explanations or reasons, chasing answers, challenging questions, or simply being stupid or foolish. You either move back or move forward with it. Or you could just be stuck there where you find yourself battling your inner demons hidden somewhere in its deep dark crevices for God-knows-how-long.

Attics have their uses. The mind attic particularly in great measure because within its walls you knowingly or unknowingly are repeatedly being renewed, shaped, molded, and reborn. And if your attic is right you’d come out of it feeling quite bold and brave.

So then open the windows of your mind attic, let in fresh air to clear the fozzies in your brain and let the light in to enable you to see clearly what darkness has hidden from you. Mind attics will and can serve you better when it is allowed to do its job. Unlike a house attic it does not have to gather dust….. if you won’t let it.

JUST THIS ONCE LET ME DO THIS FOR ME :-)

Trying this out for the first time. And I'm going to enjoy this cos it's one of my favorite Tagalog songs. My own humble tribute to a very talented singer. :-)

Meet the singer..... Rodel Naval
The song.............. "Kailan Kaya" or " When "

Okay, roughly interpreted the song is all about ..... a person whose LOVE is ..... unrequited, unknown, quietly unspoken, from a distance, longing, hoping to be noticed, waiting to be loved back in return.

Other singers here have tried their own version of the song, but Rodel alone sings it with his own unique quiet charm, gusto, clear voice, and endearing style. Unfortunately his singing career and too as a movie actor, stage performer (Toronto production of Miss Saigon) and song writer was cut short by his untimely death several years ago.

My sincere apologies that I cannot do an English translation for my foreign friends. A weak literal translation would only serve to lose the unique charm and flavor otherwise enjoyed in the Tagalog rendition of this beautiful song. It wouldn't do justice to this recognized musical treasure of the local music industry. Maybe somebody else would be better at the task.

Nonetheless, I think you will derive much pleasure just watching and listening to him sing in this video.... as I so much did. Enjoy! :-)

THE INDEPENDENCE OF SOLITUDE

The independence of solitude... ahhh that's a beautiful phrase and thought. And yes, it's perfectly sweet. Knowing where you are, knowing that things are temporary and will pass, knowing that people will come and go in anyone's life, and knowing that anything that happens will happen because they happen for a reason, including love. Everything has it own place time season and reason. (Ecclesiastes from the Book) -- All these are better understood in the presence of solitude.

Never deprive a man of his solitude. Because there he grows in self - with self. He learns well when left to his musings, reflections, and insights. There he is restored to his core and once again regains his balance and true perspectives. There he comes to terms with his inner demons and learns to sift through the grain to find his true gold. There he will argue with his God and who in turn will show him where he is right or wrong. There he sees himself without sham or masks and exposes his weaknesses as well as his strengths. There after all the battles fought he will finally come to a rebirth of self -- a renewed creative shining powerful version of his old self.

The independence of solitude confirms and affirms the independence of that person. Not only for his good but hopefully for the greater good of which we all must serve.

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinions;

it is easy in solitude to live after your own;

but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd

keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quote courtesy of a good friend. Thank you.

WHY I WRITE AND WHY SOMETIMES I DON'T

Whenever I want to write something it always becomes a struggle between will I or not. To write doesn't take much as anybody would know a passion is a passion. Not even a hundred horses can take you away from that. On the other hand, I can think of three good reasons not to write.

Top on that list is the absence of an idea for writing or in more romantic terms – an inspiration. Second, the excruciatingly hot weather makes it impossible to sit on the chair longer than I can say the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.. and I don't even know if I spelled that correctly. Thirdly, I'm enamored by my facebook because I find it invigoratingly spot-on-the-moment to put in What's On My Mind and then have friends coming in and liking it and not. Love it when they do; doesn't bother me if they don't. Free country, freedom of speech, and diversity does make it such an interesting pie.

Fourth on the list, I have this new interest of sewing a bag out of an old pair of denim pants. An idea that caught my mind when one day I saw that I had about 3 or 4 worn out denims lying inside the closet for ages now. Since tote bags is another passion, I decided to put the denims to better use and at the same time find out if Mom's creative sewing talents rubbed off on me. Been toiling at it for days... the measuring, cutting, and the final sewing – by hand and not with a sewing machine. I have an old sewing machine here but I prefer not to work it. You see, I'm bad with machines although I have managed to drive a car before. I hope that counts. Well, the bag is now ready with only the zipper and the handle to attach. Now I'm figuring out how to do the zipper because it looks like a tricky thing to do. Ehow to the rescue.

Hey that's all of four reasons already. There's a fifth one but never mind. Oh okay, it's got something to do with great movies – if there's a good one in town my family and I go see it. Too there's American Idol, CSI, Leverage, CNN (and our local news too), Discovery, the Geographic channel, How'd They Do That, So You Think You Can Dance, Amazing Race, LifeStyle, Ellen Degeneres .. all those other interesting stuff that gets your eyes glued to the box. And it helps to have a nice cup of coffee, or iced tea, or some ice cream and cheese cake while sitting on a nice comfy couch.... and too have your family around you...and the pets cuddling close on the couch beside you.

So maybe what I'm trying to say is there's life outside the writing and blogging. And truthfully, I'm saying that I'm having the best of both worlds. The writing gives me so much pleasure indulging in such a rewarding activity with the added bonus of meeting interesting people and wonderful friendships - I love them all. I can say this too that life as a mother to three wonderful daughters and as a fulfilled person to myself does create my greatest of blessings. Somebody up there must be smiling. :-) What a wonderful God!

Bye for now. See you in the next 'ish! :-)

MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THESE.

Nothing compares to family. And again this was wonderfully portrayed by last Saturday and Sunday's events. To begin with, my second daughter Christine secretly planned (along with Malen) a surprise for her elder sister's birthday, a sort of belated one tho as April 27 the birthday was actually a working day and she couldn't take leave from her office. But it all began on that day (April 27) kicked off by a simple birthday cake from Christine and a delicious pasta dish put together by younger sister Malen.

It does not take much to make someone happy. All it takes is a willingness to step up and make it happen. You can't buy happiness but certainly you can create it... and create it every living moment of the day and life... that person's and yours. That makes for good memories.

And then came Saturday, May 02...

... off to the second big surprise. Out of the house by 8:00am and on the road for some place outside Manila. But at some point we couldn't simply ignore the breakfast bell ringing in our tummies. Lols! :-) So then stopped at Delifrance for breakfast.

... after such a hearty breakfast, it's back to the cab and on the road again.

After traveling some miles and passing one lovely scenery after another, another bell rang... yup the lunch bell! Are you noticing something, this isn't a travel blog nor is this a birthday blog -- why it's a food blog!! :-) :-) Yeah, the secret is out -- this family is just a bunch of food freaks.

They sure cook good food here. Plus one gets the treat of a wondrous view of the famous and still active Taal Volcano in the middle of Taal Lake. That's the cone of the volcano seen in the background, the rest of it is underwater. On a clear sunny day such as this, you can see it in all of its glory. Another moment that simply takes your breath away.

Finally, here we come to the big SURPRISE....

On the left, that's Christine with her fiance Daniel keeping a close watch and protective eye over the whole scenario from start to finish. Looking at her, I felt a mother's pride seeing her devotion and affection for her siblings, her family -- so way beyond measure. I feel so blessed. Picture on the right, we see Amchit and Malen waving and heading back to us.. visibly pleased, thrilled, and immensely delighted.

Truly memories are made of these.

P. S. There's another big surprise.. the third one which came the next day , Sunday. All about that in the next post. :-)