Wednesday, May 26, 2010
NOT ALWAYS WHAT I WANT
There are so many things I want in life that there's not enough fingers in my hands to count it with... toes included. Nope, it's not true that the farther one advances in years those wants decrease in proportion to it. Or have I said that correctly? Anyway, wanting something is part and parcel of being human. It never stops. But it does change in levels of priority, time and season, reason and rhyme, fashion ...and dreams. Truth is, I have more wants now and they are better defined meaning I understand what I truly want. Before, I wanted something because of some preset reason dictated by circumstance or life conditions. Now I find how much different it has become. Now i want this or that because i feel that it may be nice on me or will be good for me or that I will be enjoying it immensely. I want those things which will make me happy, comfortable, entertained, appreciated, or everything else that usually delights a woman's heart... and mind. And yes that list is now a mile long!
Will I get them all? Who knows?! I'm hoping that I would. Some have already been achieved though and you can just imagine how much pleasure and delight it brought me. Now am tweaked with bigger anticipation to look forward to the rest coming my way in their own good time. Admittedly things do come to us in its proper time and timing. You can't push it but you can pray for it.
There are also much on that list that I don't get. It's a downright 'No' on an item or two from Someone up there, and there's a 'Wait' on a few, and 'let's come back to this later' on some. Does that disappoint me? Of course it does and it raises my level of impatience a notch higher every time. So I make alterations adjustments conditions promises to my prayer with the intent of making the Big Guy up there concede to my request. But nope He won't budge. Not one iota of movement. Ugh!
But..... I'm glad.
If I had all my wants realized i would be ecstatically happy.. believe me, but is that a guaranty that it would be good for me too? I mean good in its truest sense. I can see what I see before my eyes... things which are tangible and real to my senses. But there's more to just the sensory thrill or satisfaction of a wonderful experience. That can easily pass with time. There should be a much more serious meaning or purpose or depth in the wanting and receiving, I believe.
Therefore I think that alone comes in wanting too what I need. Because in reality it's not always what I want that I get. But rather it's most times what I need. These created who I am today, shaped me in my thoughts and attitude towards people - life - the world. The Big Guy up there sure knows His job. Thus He does not always give me what I want although I'm sure He could..... but He gives what I need because he wants me to grow - mature into the person he meant me to be in the first place. He does this with everyone.... everyone!
So really, it's not always what we want but what we need that we get. I am learning to appreciate that.
(Picture is courtesy of friend-photographer Larry Conception)