LUCILLE's MONOLOGUE

This time allow me to quote Lucille, a dear friend (not her real name). We got to chatting on the phone one afternoon and talked about the latest events in our respective lives and stuff that would delight any woman’s heart. Then the chat shifted to a monologue. It seemed that she was talking more to herself than she was talking to me but it was okay. I think she needed that moment. I’m bringing Lucille’s monologue here in the blog because I felt that there's so much in it we could learn from. Oh don’t worry because she gave permission but of course not with her real name.

----------------------------------

I AM ME --- MY TIME IS MINE

“Whenever I look back to a certain point in my life, I see how Time had figured in my journey. Honestly, even if time were mine it seemed to belong to somebody else -- somebody who dictated how I should spend it or not spend it. Things happened but which didn’t come from my hand or mind or heart. How that came to be I don’t know. It was just there like somebody turning the pages of my book on a fast and faster clip. I felt that I had no control -- simply lost it. But as a dutiful girl would I went through everything that needed to be done, not because I wanted to but because it had to be done. Because If I didn’t, who would?

Then it stopped. Maybe God was saying ‘Enough!’ and restored to me what was and should be entirely mine. Precious time may have been lost but certainly not everything. If I may be allowed to say so, bad times made me who I am today..along with the good times no matter how few they may have been. Have learned my lessons and I hope well enough to have come out so much better than when I started. And if that’s any indication, that can only mean that Life has taught me well. Thank God.

Now I’ve got Time back in my own hands and I’m working it according to ME. I do what I love ----

-sit and gaze at the sunset for hours until it disappears in the horizon,

-or pick my own friends no matter if they dress crazy or talk stupid yet have such good hearts,

-or wake up late and, if still inclined, go back and snuggle in bed lazily,

-or firmly say ‘no’ when I honestly feel that I should - without the guilt,

-or speak my mind when my feelings are hurt and expect to be listened to,

-or make mistakes without the fear of somebody else's displeasure.

I am finally ME and not someone others want me to be… and my time is mine. I’ll spend it the way I want it spent and won’t let anyone spend it for me. Not for any reason at all. No more, not ever. Thank God!”

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have,and only you can determine how it will be spent.Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." -- Carl Sandburg