Friday, November 27, 2009

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

I heard this exchange from a young couple sitting a table away at my favorite coffee bar at the mall. They appeared to be arguing bout something.

Husband says ‘You don’t get my point’.

Wife retorts ‘You’re not listening to what I’m trying to tell you, this is how it should be done’.

This time the temptation is great to write about marriage and couples and how the twain never meets ever -- Except for some. But we won’t go there because somebody else somewhere is better at it than me.

When a person says ‘you don’t get my point’ – it’s true. And when the other replies that ‘you don’t see what I’m trying to tell you’ --- that too is true. Both are so much the same and yet so much different too. Maybe that would be considered weird or foolish. But fact is, both are simply stating the same simple fact and truth only from two opposing views.

You see the world according to you. I see it according to me. We come from different backgrounds, upbringing, experience, and learning. We separately perceive the world according to how we each understand it in the way we each have learned or been taught to do. You have formed your own perception, insight and opinion on most anything referring to people, theories, events, life, and living. Consequently you judge, censure, evaluate, condemn, appraise from your own individual standpoint.

So do I. I am everything that you are, been there in the travel from nothingness to something, was shaped and molded by my own growing and learning which has formed the character, personality, and attitude you perceive in me now. In our differences we still are basically the same. And that is true.

Yet we need not argue or fight over who is right or wrong, better or worse, smarter or stupid, brilliant or foolish. What is correct is when we can listen to each other in spite of our differing opinions. What is right is when we can look at each other with true understanding and respect. What is beautiful is when we can agree to disagree and be happy with that. And that brings us to a genuine unadulterated authentic communication.

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." -- Tony Robbins

18 comments:

  1. Ellen,

    Very practical post. Open mind and two way logical communication is a must if we wish to live in harmony. Otherwise we are like those 5 blind men and elephant with each having perception of what each feels.

    Take care

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  2. Very truly said.You have captured the essence of your post at the end
    in these words. "What is beautiful is when we can agree to disagree and be happy with that"
    If only all the couples and all the friends know this simple truth, the world would be a happier place.
    Thanks Ellen for the beautiful post

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  3. I agree. We must be open-minded, perhaps put ourselves on the other person's shoes in order to feel or understand where he or she is coming from. That way, we can understand and communicate with the other better, as listening is a also a key.

    Brilliant post, a nice good read to start the long weekend.^^

    Have a blessed weekend. God bless you and your good heart more.^^

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  4. Hi Sash,

    Great to see you in the blog today. :-) Oh I agree with you -- "...listening is also a key." It's wiser and smarter to listen more and to understand the other person's point of view. Then talking will be easy after that. Thanks for your lovely visit. And I hope too that you have a fun filled and enjoyable weekend. God bless you!

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  5. Hi KP,

    Finally you're here; 'been missing you dear friend. :-) Yeah I agree with you -- "..If only all the couples and all the friends know this simple truth, the world would be a happier place." But then sometimes change comes only to a person who wants to change. That's what's holding back the world from being the happier place we want it to be. Thanks for dropping by. Hope you don't disappear again like that. lols! Blessings to you and your family.

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  6. Hi Jack,

    How true! -- "..Open mind and two way logical communication is a must if we wish to live in harmony." Nicely said. Wish you a wonderful weekend with family. May you be blessed a hundredfold. Thanks for coming by today. :-)

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  7. o true Ellen..have nothing more to say. we all have been there done that, and at some point this realisation brings together the very essence of the relationship.

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  8. Hi Rush,

    "...we all have been there done that, and at some point this realisation brings together the very essence of the relationship." :-)I like that. I hope your weekend went well with pleasant surprises for you. Take care and God bless!!

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  9. Hi Elen,
    I was a student of communications and we were told something similar. I try to be very patient with others when communicating so that they are patient with me if I don't understand them. I think apart from what you have told it's also important to be as simple as you can while communicating. I hope the poor couple gets to read your blog.

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  10. Hi Indra,

    "...be as simple as you can while communicating..." - Beautiful insight! I love that. :-) Hey, how was your weekend? I hope it went well. Take care okay? God bless you and your family. Thanks for this lovely visit and message.

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  11. oh so true. and totally agree with your words...and everything...

    "What is correct is when we can listen to each other in spite of our differing opinions."

    LOVE THAT <3

    I wish we can all do that :)
    listening could be a challenge to some, especially if they only see is themselves...(you know who am talking about ?) LOL.

    very lovely post Ate Ellen...

    miss you super :)

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  12. Hello Ellen,

    I had almost lost touch on you blog, Ellen. And i see back, there are wonderful posts. Getting refreshed and enlightened once again through your inspiring blogs. Thanks for all the efforts you put in and simplify our day to day living.

    twnmplu....

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  13. Hi Khel/Gratitude,

    Everyone has his own history. We all have our story to tell. And it's those things which make who we are, good or bad. So then there are good speakers and bad listeners among us -- all because of how we came to be molded by our past and history.

    But even then, that's no reason to stop learning. We can always become better or even best. Thus to your "...wish we can all do that :)" -- we can if we try.

    Delighted that you could come by today. You have been truly missed. Thank you for this lovely visit and message.

    God bless you and your family!

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  14. Hi RGB,

    So nice to see you today. I hope that your day today is pleasant and happy. Blessings to you and your family.

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  15. Brilliant:) very well written! Can help one in leading a happy life:) thanks a lot!!

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  16. Pearl! :-)

    How lovely to see you! It's quite a long time I must say. But you're here and that's what matters. I hope that this won't be the last one.. lols or that you'd go and disappear into the horizon again. :-)

    Take care pls.
    May God bless you and your family.

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  17. Hi NewBeginning,

    Love it when wonderful people come by the blog and like the writing too. It makes my day bright and sunny :-) Thanks for coming by and may you have a good week. God bless you and your dear ones.

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:-) Here's where I warmly welcome you and where you leave your footprints behind with fond memories attached to it of wonderful chats and friendships. Thank you for your comments. Or send your comments to ellen622@gmail.com. Will be seeing you in your blog too. God bless you!